Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
