Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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