I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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