You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
