I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
