My friends, they love my intelligence
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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