just come out here and I will go home with you...
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Less talking, more tequila
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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