My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
