I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
