Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
