I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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