I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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