I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
