I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
