there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
