Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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