apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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