haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
