hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
