she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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