There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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