Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Randomize
