Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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