Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
