I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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