I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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