Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
