6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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