I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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