You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Randomize
