I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
