Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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