Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
So much Jack, so little girl.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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