the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
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I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
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Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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