note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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