imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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