Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
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Life is so much better after having sex.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
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There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I see more hoeing in ur future
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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