hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
