I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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