we're blogging at a bar
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
