Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
