mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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