PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
