So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
