She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
