I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
