He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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