if you like me you must not know who I am
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
