Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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