Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize