somebody snuck up and got me drunk
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
