Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
