finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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