it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
