im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
why do cheetos always look like penises
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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