Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
