can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
