he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
