apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
