craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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