dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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